Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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