How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
40s are totally the cure
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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