I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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