I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
