I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
