My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
