its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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