I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
