Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
