So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
