After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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