Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
