That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
