i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
