OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
