just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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