I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
