Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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