haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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