Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
