oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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