I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
