I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
