Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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