i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize