Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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