oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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