I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
