She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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