She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
