Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
