booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
