We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i came on her dog
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
