Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
