The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
