Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You are the jesus of drinking
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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