If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
