i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
