i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
