hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
