his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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