Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
