You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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