maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
