ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
