note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
