okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
