dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
