just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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