I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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