We're facebook friends in real life
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
