College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
