sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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