Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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