it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
