So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I will be naked everywhere
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize