"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
