My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
