so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
