I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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