Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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