david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
