i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
