Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
