It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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