how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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