Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
