Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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