And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
