i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
