You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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