i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
