You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i dont even know how to be here
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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