and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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