Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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