After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
