you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dick has a subreddit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
