after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
