And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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