U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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