My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
