I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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