I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
