apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
