bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
