So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
