I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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