We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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