What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
