Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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