I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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