I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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