So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
