I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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