IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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