that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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