Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
