we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
