Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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