I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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