We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
