But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
