so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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