I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
