That's intense
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize